THE IMPORTANCE OF
UNDERSTANDING DIFFERENCE.
Tolerance is not the same as understanding. It’s better than intolerance but it is not what we should aim for. Real understanding (and wisdom) includes conjuring the will power and taking the time to listen to, consider, and discuss another point of view. It is in your best interest to learn to listen and discuss openly in case there may be any benefit gained from such an effort. That type of personal, sincere, deliberate, effort makes communication and progress among individuals, and nations, possible. That, of course, is an understatement. It may be more accurate to say that refusal to consider, 1. what others may bring to the table, 2. all possible solutions, and 3. how others feel, is a tragic mistake and that intolerance promotes alienation, harm, and failure on many different levels.
Of course, we all understand that on some level we are not all the same, but coming to understand and believe that this is okay and even preferable, is something altogether different. If I may be so bold, and if this book exceeds my wildest expectation, you might conclude the following:
“Being different must be okay and if properly understood it is a welcome part of our technicolor life.”
What a cook is able to make is determined by the different ingredients he has available and what he chooses to use. When a cook puts together different, specific, ingredients they produce,
Because we are not the same, it is a “given” that understanding, accepting, and learning to work with different ingredients/people will be necessary. If you are going live and accommodate gracefully, you will first need to understand why you find adjustment or acquiescence difficult. What about another point of view is disturbing to you? How did you become so rigid in your thinking? Are you demanding and hard to live with? Can you find a way to work and play with others that will be more effective?
We must discuss these questions now because our current state of affairs suggests that change for the better is necessary. Intolerance, political correctness run-amuck, and uneducated, diffuse, angst dominate and control the discussion. (I’ll let those who are more political or historical than I run with that last sentence any direction they chose, when they feel inclined and have the time.) My interest is more of an interpersonal nature. My interest is in helping us grow gracefully, navigate socially, show respect, and embrace diversity, challenge, and change.
Chapter One
DIFFERENCE IS DETERMINISTIC.
Our differences determine that we must learn to adjust or adapt in order to function with purpose, meaning, and civility.
DEFINITIONS
Definition One
Determinism: the doctrine that all events, including human choices and decisions, have sufficient causes.
This doctrine can be restated as follows: We are “caused” to make, and we must make, choices and decisions regarding how to live with each other because we are different.
Definition Two
Determinism: the doctrine that all facts and events exemplify natural laws.
This doctrine can be restated as follows: Laws of human behavior (what we know to be true about human behavior and interaction) indicate that when two or more people come together there will be discord, and there will need to be some adjustment, count on it, it’s a fact of life!
ONE & TWO
If we combine the two definitions above we come to these conclusions:
- When two or more people come together we will see conflict and misunderstanding if poor choices are made.
- This difficulty with difference ( or poor choices) will occur with some degree of regularity and for specific reasons that can be discovered and stated. (As natural laws.)
- If it is true that adjustment will be necessary, and that some of this needed adjustment can be understood, then we have a reason for thinking about our difficulties with others, and a basis for learning how to make adjustment in our thinking and motives, or, in our minds and hearts.
- The fact that we are different “determines”, or at least strongly suggests, that we consider the following, “natural laws” and make adjustments. (See below.)
THE NATURAL LAWS
- Two or more people who come together, for whatever reason, will have to make specific adjustments depending on who they are individually and corporately, and what they bring to the table. They will need to make choices regarding how to live and function together.
- The need for adjustment is something we can or should foresee, and that necessary adjustment is an “occurrence” that we can count on. It seems to be a natural law. (Just talk to anyone who is married.)